Tuesday, April 15, 2008

AI7

Yeah, it sucks without Michael Johns this week. Quit talking about MJ! I am trying to forget! If he brings up the NCAA Championship, I'm turning this off. But at least Minnie Driver is there. That is some star power! Did they use up every other celebrity last week? Wait - it is Mary Carey week? All porn? Bring back Amanda Overmeyer! Oh - it's Mariah Carey. Great - will everyone be required to go crazy at some point this week? Mariah- doesn't she have a record coming out today? How convenient. Also? Batshit crazy. So the theme is actually Mariah? Not top 10 songs, or ballads, or songs Randy Jackson has played on? It's really Mariah? Oh, I'm nervous. This is going to be a long night.

DA - "Scary" meeting with Mariah. That about sums it up for me too. I am guessing she will wear 17 different outfits tonight. He wasn't born when Heather sang a Mariah song in the RHS talent show. Whatevs. David sings some song by Mariah Carey, and this might be the most boring week ever for me. Just not a fan. Or a chick. Steph probably knows all the words to every song performed tonight. I mean, David is good and all, but I checked the score of the Tigers game during his performance. (They tied it up in the 8th!) Dave- inspirational week is over! Stop it! He's perfect though. He will sing the shit out of that coronation song on the finale! Chip: "Man- he sang that shit." Well said. Paula is slurry tonight. Like, Li'l Lisa Slurry. Oh shit- that was Mariah AND Whitney? You go, girl! Wow - DA doesn't eat on performance night. There is gonna be some filler tonight folks. Wait- does he have on leather pants?

Mariah Carly Slainte O'Halloran Sullivan Shannon O'Connor - We have high hopes! She was emotional when Michael Johns left last week, because she totally wanted to hit that. Aw, she misses MJ too! She will be singing a song by Pariah Carey tonight. Says that Mariah is like a big Sunshine Ray - I think that Sunshine Ray was a step sibling of mine at one point. We're trying to decide if anyone more famous has ever mentored the kids. At least famous currently. We think no. Sings a boring song - let's see, holy crap! Tiger Woods had knee surgery! Wait, I do know this song! 1 for 2 so far! I need to pay attention. Carly is doing a great job. If she would file down those front two teeth just a teensy bit, it would do so much for her! Ricky Minor was proud of her- that was cute. Carly is kinda shaky for me, I have to say. Plus, she rivals Mariah on the crazy scale. Randy says she needs to believe in her lower range - I could double that entendre, but in Carly's case I will make an exception. Paula says something. Paula looks good tonight, by the way. And actually, so does Carly. Stacy and Clinton would love that dress for her- that high waist is accenting her narrowest part, then flowing away from the hips! Plus the cleavage. Simon is like, I am going to say what we are all thinking. What's with Simon? I thought she was good!

Syesha coming up next, because she is still here and MJ went home. And by home, I mean probably in the crowd. Mariah needs to do a LOT of work here apparently. Don't you think it is biased when DA is perfect, but they show when Syesha needs some serious coaching? Does Mariah have on a Hello Kitty band aid? What a douche. Chloe has Hello Kitty underwear. She's two- I'm just sayin. Have I heard this song? Do I know this song? Not looking good - back to ESPN.com. Rose is entering the NBA draft - That is like when they identify the body after they sort out the plane crash. I am emotionless about it at this point - the heartbreak has already been dealt with. Wait - Syesha just did something cool with her voice. Syesha's Stay-Soft is glowing on her fro. She looks fantastic, though, so we don't mind. She is good and all, and with any luck, after this show is over, she can put out pop music that I will never listen to. She did a good job too, just a couple of rough notes towards the end, but good. She's just so beautiful! Paula says words that may not flow in sentence form, but you kinda see what she means. Simon is right - never heard this song. Please someone do Sweet sweet fantasy baby! I'm surprised through three people. I guess the fact that everyone is doing Mariah kind of levels the playing field.

Brooke - Yeah, she annoys me but I can't hate her. She's very sparkly! Wow - AI raised all that money last week for its corporate sponsors, but they couldn't fly Brooke out to her sister's wedding? Missed her sister's wedding. Bitch. Even odds that Brooke cries here. She is singing...a song that Cullen and I both fast forward through. Oh no- she's singing Hero. I haven't heard this without crying since Nancy Sims' funeral. I'm not sure I can do this! Wow - I was wrong about Brooke, because I was the one who teared up! Luckily, Carrie let me FF. I'm crying and all, but is Brooke losing it here at the end? I think that didn't end well. She was nervous- Chip thinks she wasn't ready to sing and play. I dunno. She looks good tonight. Randy sa...SHUT UP BROOKE!! PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STFU!!! THIS ISN'T AN INTERACTION! I HATE YOU! YOU DIE! YOU DIE AND YOU GO TO HELL! I SHOULD HAVE FAST FORWARDED THROUGH THE COMMENTS TOO!!!!! But shut up! Shut. Up. You too, Paula. "Every ounce of you is authentic to who you are." Such as. The Iraq. She's like the bun! Let's move on.

Sanjaya - Really, how is she still here? The Colonel- She's still here? Is it the America thing? She is still cute - she is singing another obscure Mariah song, which is redundantly redundant for me. She sounds rough just in the practice session. Oof. Mariah is being really cute and humble and all- I wouldn't have expected that. Anyway- eh. I just am not a big country fan, ya know? I think this will be good for her though, since she'll be able to avoid the direct comparison. Hmmm, what else is going on...Sports Guy will totally have Chris Paul winning the MVP award in his article tomorrow. Chip calls KLC the Hedu Turkoglu of this competition. That joke was just for the boys- ladies, he's the NBA's most improved player. It must be a contract year for the Colonel! (Why did KLC make us both think about the NBA?) Oh - the song is over - Carrie said that that was really good "for her". Randy cuts it down, because they are ready for this years hanger-on to go home. Paula, OMG. Paula- "country western." How quaint! Simon has the most backhanded thing ever with his "you probably weren't jumping for joy when you found out that it was Mariah week." Ouch! Dude - harsh! Don't you know, if you want her to go home, praise her a little more than that. Simon- I agree 100% with you, for the first time tonight. Blah and whiny but still a good choice.

Who let Ramiele back in? I thought we got rid of her.

David Cook - KLC's bro has to sing Mariah, huh? Please do Panic at the Disco's version of All I Want For Christmas. (PS - totally the Mariah song I would do - easily her best song.) What's going to happen here? We cant wait to hear! Always Be My Baby. Okay then. Chip wonders if he is joking. You know, I think maybe a little bit. I do so love him! Because be real- if you were at his concert and he busted out something like this, you would love it. Like when Nickel Creek sings Oops I Did It Again, or when the Foo Fighters do a funny pop cover. It's not unprecedented! Mariah wonders how DC will do her song, because let's be honest, the guys should be at a disadvantage this week. But DC is pretty good I guess. I loved that. I just really love him. He IS ready to make an album! Jared Leto would be proud of that arrangement. DC earns cool points for wearing a wriststrong bracelet! For DC to be this memorable on Mariah week, well, he may have my vote now that MJ is gone. (In all the excitement, I missed that the Tigers came back and won! That's right - we're back!) But yeah, he was good and all. Hey crowd - let Simon speak before you faux-boo him. Randy, I'm with you. I'm on my feet. Paula is about to cry. Or just stoned- I'm not sure. Simon is right- "coming out of karaoke hell into a breath of fresh air." Well said! Love him! Wait, he is crying? Pussy. Is he crying? OMG- that is the cutest thing I've ever seen ever. I would have sex with him right now, no question. It's 9:35, and his number is still busy. He's getting the pussy vote tonight! Wow - my sister and I both used the word "pussy" here.

Castrol syntec - He's still sticking with the dreds, huh? Chip wants to know how his teeth are so white when his hair is so dusty. I am already bored. The Ducks are winning in Dallas, dammit - can't they just lose? I love this song. I can't lie. The singles from that first record were just outstanding. That was kind of boring. When Cook does his thing, it's interesting, but when Castro does his thing, I find it a little boring. It's just my preference, though, like how I don't like KLC's country thing just because I don't like country. He sings that he doesn't "want to cry" - the opposite of DC. I think he did a good job, and is really creating his own identity. Simon doesn't get Randy's weird reference for once. But he liked it - I mean, I guess it was good. He is right though - none of the guys should go home. They should bring back MJ to win 4th.

None of the guys should go home. Any of the girls can go home for all I care.

Stephanie's Official Overall Rankings:
1. Cook
2. Archuleta
3. Castro
4. Carly
5. Syesha
6. Brooke
7. Kristy
Stephanie out!

5 comments:

Cullen said...

Ok, watching AI without the running commentary just isn't as much fun. But Gina and I went ahead and tried it last night. I actually left the room for Brooke's performance. I refuse to ever listen to that song again. And I am glad I did, b/c Gina said Brooke was awful. As for David crying, it was b/c they flew his brother in on a private jet between cancer treatments, and David didn't know he would be there.

I am ready for Castrol or KFC to be gone, but KFC really is going Hedo on us all.

Stephanie said...

I know this may not help my cause much, but I only know a couple of Mariah songs. It's Whitney night that I'd be all over!

Stacey Greenberg said...

how did i miss the crying? i totally want a david cook CD in my car RIGHT.NOW. he's it. no question. let's end the show now. look in his eyes! and that wry smile! i had very bad thoughts about me, him, and a tent last night!

carly is awful--AWFUL! she looks constipated when she sings and acts so fake i want to puke. i bet her tattoo covered hubby dumps her when this is over!! but yes, her outfit FINALLY made her look attractive.

KLC is actually growing on me.

i hate syesha. she is soooooooo boring! i would really like to see her make something her own, show us something interesting other than her tight bod.

castro really needs to stop wearing those giant white shoes.

brooke seems like a lost little puppy up there, but i like her voice.

i thought mariah came off very sweet and normal btw.

Stan said...

I agree w/ Stephanie's top 7, except switch Syesha and Brooke's order.

LOVED David C. Syesha, way to try to do the song precisely the same way as the original. I do feel for Carly, she looks so elated when she's done singing, and so very wounded by whatever mean thing Simon says. I wish you all didn't hate Brooke so much, I now agree with your venemous attacks and can't stand to listen to her judge's review and her lack of shut-up-ing-ness.

p.s. it's astounding how much background info you people manage to come up with!

Stacey Greenberg said...

i just re-watched david cook sing his song FOUR times in a row.