The 8 Contestants left on American Idol

Before we get started, here is a rant from Steph about how this season is the suck:

Time to have this discussion: Is this the worst season of American Idol ever? I've read columnists who have stopped short of saying that, but have really hinted at it. Then randomly some guy in my office, who I never talk to about AI, said, "Is this the worst season ever or what? I just don't really like anyone. I don't look forward to anyone in particular." I was like, Yes! I mean, there are things I've liked, but I don't get excited about anything ahead of time. Other than bitching about it, of course. So maybe this is actually the best season ever! Carry on. I can say that this is the worst season, because normally I enjoy hating it - this season, I don't even enjoy that. Part of me enjoys the Sanjayas and the John Stevenses and all - this year, it is like, I would almost be content to just see who get voted off and maybe watch the finale.

A song from the year you were born! I hear the theme while in the other room and shout "Killing Me Softly!" I've looked up 1973 at least eight times now. Other choices include The Joker, Cherry Cherry, You're So Vain, Let Me Be There, Rocky Mountain High, Midnight Train to Georgia, Ramblin Man (I rock that shit on RB2), I Can't Stand the Rain, and my dream 1973 song, D'yer Mak'er. For me, 1976 - let's just say my choice was my favorite song of all time until it was ruined by an SNL skit involving cowbell. Seriously - Don't Fear the Reaper is on Rock Band 2 and I sang it in front of my niece and nephew - I never want to sing such an awesome song about suicide in front of them again. I mean, outside of Rock Band. Allison is going to sing something by Evanescence. God I'm old. I was thinking, when she was born, I was a sophomore at White Station. Sing some PJ!

OMG those pictures are so cute! I can't take it. Baby pictures of our judges- adorable. Dude - the keep showing the creepy bald guy from Fringe in the audience - if no one watches that show, it is a really creepy guy to just keep showing. Maybe it is just to get people talking about the show or something.

Lil looks good tonight. Good.

Starting quickly. . .

Gokey's Old Ass- 1980? Let's look up what would be the perfect song...All Out of Love, Air Supply. More a break up song than a dead wife song, but he could make it work. He starts sharp. Stand By Me. American Idol - are you ready to soft rock? He gets going quickly after the rough start. Very pleasant. Carrie - horrible arrangement. Me - it does actually sound like it is from 1980. Randy is hating on the arrangement- dude, this is the arrangement that allowed him to sing it for his birth year. Mickey Gilley? Sure. Anyway, that's fine.

Cutie Patootie - This is fun and relevant. This is a terrible song to begin with. And makes me feel old. Chip says, "OK, I'll buy that. I mean, I wouldn't actually BUY it, but I buy that arrangement." Heh. What is with the crowd thing - he was born in 1985, not 1968 when Elvis had his comeback special. Hot wife, but gigantic other family member. His figurative and literal biggest fans are side by side. OOoohh, the judges are harsh. I don't think so. Simon is really starting to wear out the whole "indulgent" thing. Totally on his word of the day toilet paper, and he needs to eat more fiber or something so we can get no descriptors. I thought that was a fun arrangement, and thought he was cute. Of course, I would prefer Rasberry Beret from 1985. Or Things Can Only Get Better. In Between Days, The Cure. I don't know if Mormons are aware of the Cure though.

Lil- Born in Memphis- like my kids! And my wifey! Good song choice, Tina Turner. You know, I thought so too until I heard it. Better song choice for Lil - Last Christmas by Wham!, or Alone Again by Dokken, or Darling Nikki. That outfit is flattering. This is best performance in a while. (Although, she could have done You Give Good Love. Or In My House by the Mary Jane Girls!) And the judges are about to rip on her! Kara and Carrie both note that she is weak in a lower register. Crap. Chip thinks she just looks "old" in that Melinda Doolittle way, that she can't come off at young. I feel a little bit like that, that it surprises me that she was born in the mid-80's because she seems my age. Chip agrees with Simon about the "copycat" thing too. I do worry about Lil- she just hasn't ever brought it in the way we assume she can. Now I wonder if she actually can- am I just imagining this, or did she blow us away at one point? Yeah, everyone is saying that she is overrated - I have had my blinders on because of the whole Memphis thing, so maybe she is. She still gets my vote, if I cared enough to vote. Also, I knew "Lil" came from "Lilly"!

Anoop- He sounds great, really. I hate that he died on House last night. My notes - "no surprise suicide from this guy tonight!" Stop stealing my notes woman! 1986- he really should have done Higher Love! Angel of Death, Slayer. Or In Between Days! Woah - holy crap, you just made my In Between Days joke! I swear to everyone that we came up with that independent of each other! Holy crap!! Have I mentioned how old I am? Randy with the Tarheel reference. Randy said, "Congratulations North Carolina, you guys worked it out!" Hee! He only speaks in cliches at this point! Nuke LaLoosh should be taking notes! I've already forgotten that happened last night. I'm too smitten with Josh. You know, after trying to buy into the hype that Michigan is hurting and we all need to root for the Spartans, I was kind of happy to see them lose, even though I hated seeing mouthbreather win it all. Still - I can't stand MSU's smugness about their basketball team and the fact that Michael Moore wears Sparty hats, not UMich hats. Also, AI makes me feel old, but now Memphis' coach is younger than I am.

Scotty Too Hotty - Aw, little baby Scott pictures is going to win him some votes! OK, I was going to look us some 1985 songs for him (Lay It Down, Ratt), but none would be this perfect for Scott. The Search is Over! Carrie - "Oh, it's THIS song! Couples Skate!!!" I'm glad his hair is better this week. This is good for him. I mean, it's pitchy, like you would expect, but still. Nice work using the guitar instead of piano. Oooh no, the big note was so wrong. I love that song, and it was a good choice for Scott, but ultimately he's just not a good singer. Yeah, I do like the Scott, but I think this might be the end. But he is really funny- his "punk" side. Ha! He does have a fun sense of humor. I'd enjoy getting a drink with this guy. Assuming people born in 1985 are old enough to drink. Dude - it is 1988 that people can drink. Which is even scarier.

Allison- 1992. Shoot me in the head. OK, she's singing a song from when Chip and Heather broke up. And she's awesome, of course. OMG- she could have done Baby Got Back! Or Smells Like Teen Spirit. Bitches Ain't Shit, Dr. Dre. Wow. But really, what would have better than Tennessee? I'm kidding. OK - Seriously, I think I know all the words to all of these. She ruled that song. Doesn't matter what she sings, really- she's the best and most consistent. I love her. I am just glad the judges judged her singing this week instead of being asses. Again.

Matty G- Dude - he was born in Dearborn, and at some point his family moved to the Zoo. Or he went to Western and just stayed out there after college. Who lives in the town they moved to for college? Still - born in 1985 (not stillborn in 1985) in Michigan - at some point, he had a big poster of Steve Yzerman on his bedroom wall. His family took him to a Wings game where both Joey Kocur and Bob Probert got into fights. More 1985! Yeah, is this 1985 thing something that Malcolm Gladwell needs to put in his addendum to Outliers? Part-time Lover. Perfect choice. Well, The Goonies Good Enough would have been the perfect choice... This is great, right in his "wheelhouse." Much better doing something a little funky rather than something douchey like The Fray. Hey - we liked him too, but he also dressed like it was 1985, am I right? I think he picked that out at the Neverland garage sale. And they rush through the stupid judges, since they won't have time for Adam otherwise. They love him, briefly. Thank goodness- I can't sit through four judges each time!

Adam- Uh, that's all the time we have, folks. My DVR didn't get that. Wow. I mean, I don't like Adam, but I certainly wanted to see him! Damn. Plus we have a DVR instead of a TiVo, and it sucks and doesn't actually turn to the channel it's recording, so I can't just rewind the current show. Sigh. I'll assume I would have hated it, but that the judges loved it.
Chockley- out!
OK - our TiVo cut off too, but I pay $2 extra a month to get west coast Fox, so I am determined to stay up and watch the late one, because Steph, Chip, and Carrie are all in bed at this point. Especially since I will already be taping Fringe. I never gave up on Pacey's show. Dude - he was in the Ducks movies. He has earned it. Still - you are about to get my recap and mine alone, so I will try to be as honest and thorough as I can be.
Adam Lambert - born in 1982. His dad says that he loved everything...except sports. Adam says that he preferred to play dressup and wear different costumes and all. Nature 1, nurture 0. What song will he be...oh frak, it is that song that I LOVE, that song from the end of Donnie Darko about the dreams in which I am dying are the best I've ever had. Great song. (PS - the other day in the car, we had a discussion where this song came up as possibly the most emo song of all time, up there with Paint it Black and Bela Lugosi's Dead.) So Adam sings this awesome song all gay and chubby and pockmarked (is he the emo ejo?). OK - here I go again - really, his voice is a joke. Male falsetto is NOT difficult at all to sing. I can sound like a frakking opera singer with my falsetto, it doesn't make me a good singer. I actually do an impression of Lambert's "singing" that is so spot on that it can make Carrie ROFL. Seriously here - I actually laughed at the last note that he hits. It wasn't a planned laugh - totally involuntary - it was just that bad. So the judges - Simon is like, "we are short on time, so only I get to speak" - then he gives him a freakin' STANDING O!?!??!?!? It wasn't even a sarcastic slow clapping standing O, but actual serious applause! What am I missing? Not only was it bad, but it was laughably bad!

Then again, I could have just stopped and instead I waited up to see what he did. So there's that. But still - this is like me reading the articles about the recruits that Memphis is losing because of Calipari leaving - I am reading them but not enjoying them. I talk about them, but I get no pleasure from it. With Lambert, I just feel it is comparable to 5 Fast 5 Furious taking the weekend box office - it seems to have so massive appeal to the American populace even though it is crap. So from now on, assuming no DVR mistakes, I will just leave the Lambert discussion up to Steph. I am fascinated by the fact that I don't get it, but I don't know if I care enough anymore to put forth the effort. He will win after getting saved one week. That is my prediction. Enjoy!