AI Seven Redux

So, we get the top 7 again, and again Matt G and Lil will be in the bottom and will go home. Ryan says there is an unprecedented amount of pressure. Because each week has more pressure than the last? Then he can say that every week, right?

I like Anoop's scruff.

Getting right to it! No packages tonight - swish! This could be awesome- if Lil can't do I'm Every Woman, then she needs to go home. Let me rock you, Chaka Kahn, it's all I wanna do. Chip: "Damn- that booty be poppin." True- you can see every stitch of her thong in that outfit. I can't help but sing when she asks me to. I'm every woman! She finally picked the right song for her. Carrie says, yeah she maybe isn't the best like we thought she was. It just wasn't awesome. Although I imagine I'll be able to say that about everyone, because this season sucks.

So yes, Randy and Kara usually say the same thing. Paula says that Lil had no voice yesterday, as if that changes the fact that the performance was underwhelming. Is that Vince Neil? I think the little street cred that was left after The Surreal Life is now gone after appearing in the AI crowd without a teenaged daughter or something. There should only be three judges. I read in USA Today today that the producers considered every possibility for last week, including my choice, which was Simon and an alternating judge for each performance. That would have ruled- he's the only one we care about. And he's right- this is probably it for Lil. Too little, too late. I love that they always ask her to talk back. Memphis. Yes. Allow me to say, Kara looks really hot tonight. But yeah, seeing closeups of Lil's face was rough just then. They have destroyed her will to perform right now, and I just hope she goes home so I don't have to watch the judges judge her anymore.

Kris - Cutie Patootie has an acoustic guitar. Rule. Ooooh, She Works Hard For the Money. I don't think this is a disco song. Chip predicts a David Cook-esque performance. I don't know- would they put him second? He's already cuter than everyone else! He sounds very contemporary. Ricky Minor is winning this round. Yes sir! Except that we love Kris, and we loved that. His vocals are flawless, his arrangement was original- we LOVED it. Yeah, that was better than expected - good job, my new favorite! I dare the judges to be asses. I will cut them all out of my will. OK yes, that could go on his record. Did Paula just say that? I didn't really get it at first either. What a weird thing to say. Simon: threadbare white t-shirt. Even Chip, who wears undershirts too often, wouldn't wear one that is see-through. All this talk about Kris's underwear, I have to say- I don't care what kind it is, it would look great on my floor. Hey-O! That was Chip's favorite performance of the season. He's right- this season sucks. That was the high.

Danny- I'm going to dance- be back in a bit. Dude, I love this song. Good job Gokey! Carrie says, is this song about losing someone?! She wasn't being facetious, she was asking honestly. Vince Neil liked it! But let me say- that was AWESOME! The only Gokey performance I've ever loved! Know why? Not about his dead wife! (Seriously, if I see on the internet that his anniversary is in September, I will be PISSED.) (Seriously for me, I checked the lyrics online to see if the song really mentions September 21, or if that was the date his wife died or something.) Yes, Kara, his pitch was great. It actually is every week, he just combines it with boring and maudlin so I hate it. That, though, I loved. My first time. Also, though, Simon is right- he is so awkward on stage! The other reason I loved it was because I was dancing rather than watching. Made a big difference- he sounds like less of a douche than he looks, it seems. He gets bonus points for song choice. PS - my song choice for disco week? To just do the guy part on Take a Chance on Me by the Swedish supergroup Abba. But seriously, Tragedy or Nights on Broadway.

Allison- Chip does not think that rubber outfit she's wearing looks comfortable. He's probably right. It's safe, though! Badoom-cha! Dude - I was thinking the same thing, that I wish she was really hot and that she wasn't 16 when wearing that outfit. It is well established that I love Allison. She sounds awesome, this is fun, her hair doesn't look like ass. A win all around! Also- 16. She's sixteen! Jeebus. We said the same thing - 16?! She is our favorite, but barely holding off a surging Kris. Randy and Kara didn't like the arrangement - this show is no longer a singing contest, but now also a contest of how well you can redo songs to fit your style. I do agree- I didn't love that arrangement. She's just such a good singer! She, along with Kris (and probably Gokey) have the best vocal chops. Never pitchy. It just has to do with whether you like the person or not (sorry, Gokey). Paula just said that "the word 'compromise' does not belong in her musical library. Um, sure. Simon loved her! yay! Simon says that was a brilliant performance. Thank God.

Lambert- Whatever, I hate this guy. Carrie - I think I hate him worse because of the judges' reactions. He picks disco night for a ballad? Ugh. My entire notes: "Adam - If I Can't Have You." I left the room because I can't stand to look at him. Seriously, does Clay Aiken have incriminating pictures of Randy and Steve Perry or something? (Even funnier if you have a gay friend named Steve Perry like we do.) Why do they act like Adam is the best by a mile? He screeches! Dude - every single other season, Simon criticizes when something sounds too "cabaret". Which is literally HOW ADAM SINGS!! They also criticize something as too Broadway, which, um, here, but with Adam it is all apparently okay. Randy called Allison "overindulgent" tonight, btw. Just saying. I mean, that was okay, but not better than Kris! That was boring and screechy, plus he looks like that. Horrible. Is he just picking bad songs on a dare just to see what the judges say? To see if he can get them to be like, Just A Swangin' is totally awesome! I felt that! I can't believe you're out here on the front porch in this swang! (OK, I would like Lambert better if he sang that.) But seriously, Play that Funky Music. He already sang it on a week that wasn't disco week. Sweet, at least Simon threw in a gay joke. He's wrong, though- I won't remember it, plus the vocals weren't immaculate. They just were NOT.

Matty G - Stop it with the hat. Seriously, stop it. It is a disgrace to everyone who has died fighting overseas. I mean, it doesn't have anything to do with that, but I got nuthin. Staying Alive. Well, it's what Justin would pick. I'm actually surprised this isn't all in falsetto. Well, he is doing that thing where he has a faux lisp, but it isn't a lisp, it is just a faux "pronouncing your 's's like 'sh's, if that makes sense. Think of how Six says "Gaius". It's good! I know this isn't saying much, but I like it better than Adam. I mean really, I'm trying to understand where the judges are, and I can't. I'd rather a little bit of soul hidden in a karaoke disco performance than the bullshit that was Adam Lambert's craptastic performance. Seriously, he could take a dump on the stage and they would praise it, then tell Lil and Matt that they sucked. OK, Randy, we have to disagree with you about this being a talented group. Although Chip disagrees with me! He thinks maybe they are really talented, it's just that none of them were likeable. I disagree. These people suck ass. But this was really good, relatively. Seriously, Kara has to compare him unfavorably to Lambert? Judging FAIL. OK - here is my biggest gripe of the whole show tonight - Kara says that Matt should have made it sound original like Lambert did - seriously, the most original performance of the night was Kris. Followed by Allison. Lambert did some stuff that I wasn't as familiar with, and it sounded like every other slow song he has done. Matt G was just boring tonight, and he has hit his ceiling in terms of sticking with this show, don't get me wrong. I just hate it when the judges compare someone to Adam, as if he is the basis of all comparison - can't they see that Adam is polarizing and not everyone is willing to get down on their knees for him? Yes, Steph - Judging FAIL indeed!!!

Anoop - Nice with the scruff. I can't believe he grew that in one week. Maybe he just trimmed down his eyebrows and glued them to his face. WTH? I like the scruff, but what is this song? He's singing it really well. And his dimples are adorable. I love this outfit. The suit, with pink sweater and sneakers? Awesome. His best frat boy outfit to date. He ends the song on a bad note, and he totally knows it. So does Randy. Ooof, that note was a little sharp. This is a cute performance and all, but this isn't a winner. He knew he missed that last note! Heh. He and Lil can go home. I'm fine with that. I mean, I'd prefer Adam, but you know. (Just so you know, every week- they show Anoop's parents and Chip says, "Anoop shall COME again!" Really, every week. Also? I laugh every week.) Isn't hee- eeee Pretty in Piiii -iink.

Recaps:
Lil-Itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face. Please vote her off, this is painful to watch.
Kris-Favorite ever this season. Probably the most marketable left.
Fun- Gokey! Moving on after his wife's death! Do you rememba? Da-a-a-ancin in Septemba?
Allison- Rocking! She is Black Cat-level Janet! Even with Kris on my depth chart right now.
Lambert- Oh God, that's worse even in retrospect! Like The Big Bang Theory - I just don't get it despite multiple viewings.
We loved Matt! Good use of the past tense.
Anoop- eh. Last note was much better during dress rehearsal, though! Hi, I'm in Delaware.

One last thought on Adam Lambert's performance - I don't like looking at it. It's creepy, and in bad taste, and it's just offensive to me. It makes me think of the horrible, frigid stage mothers who force their babies into it. It's kitsch. It's the opposite of art. It destroys art. It destroys souls. This is much more offensive to me than hardcore porno.

Chip, after the recap, reiterates his belief that they are all really good technical singers. He just hates all of them except Kris, and that's just a little bit. Really- worst group ever. I would welcome a Sanjaya at this point. Isn't that sad? Damn you, season eight!!!!