Top 12

I am going to phrase this as a conversation with Steph, since she took live notes and sent them to me. Let me just say, Simon had his arm on Paula's chair the whole night, but otherwise he was in a great mood. Up until Paula cut him off and he had to put her in her place.

Steph: I'm all over it, I totally fall for the opening BS. I was yelling in my car today when I heard a commercial! ("America, it's up to you." It IS! It's up to me! Woohoo!!) Awesome set. We LOVE Ricky Minor! (and the drummer) I love where they are, up top. But I worry that the Idols can't interact with the band or backup singers any. We'll see.-

Chloe has said Amerkin Igol! a bunch of times already.

S yes ha - I thought she was pretty good - she is very attractive, but could potentially have a lazy eye thing working. The number 1 spot sucks - I hope she sticks around!

Steph: Syesha- So amazingly beautiful! Sorry she went first- she's in danger already and people always forget the first one. But look at her looong legs in those jeans! Here she could be one of the first to go, and she is good enough to have won one of the last few seasons. Paula- that's mine and Chip's "pitch" face! But we didn't make it during this song. We agree with Simon, of course.

Connor just started breakdancing! He knows it's 3-11 day.

Jacuzzi - You know, we actually liked him this week. He looked comfortable finally, but he won't win. He might not go at number 12 like everyone predicted though. If he is going to actually be fun, keep him around!

Steph: Chikezie- He's right- he did a good job last week. He's better than a few of the girls, is all I can say. He's going to put his funk on it? Ewww! Aw man- his funk is bluegrass? Hell yeah! He's rocking this. I am all about it. The kids are dancing. It's a party! Chip said, "He had a good time. Lots of energy." Chloe said, "Amerkin Igol!" Yep- good falsetto. He did smash it, Randy. Paula knew he was a Allison Krauss/Robert Plant-collaboration-combined-in-one-person type of artist? You are a genius.

Ryan- Uhhhh. . . Chip, "What is happening? There's way too much whiteness."

Asia'n - Apparently she was friends with some people who have been voted off. I hadn't noticed. Her performance bored me to tears, Carrie said she thought it was pretty. Randy said it was pretty and pretty boring, so we high-fived. Oh, did you know she worked in a sushi restaurant? And Jacuzzi worked at the airport? (You know, if I am doing the whole text color thing, do I really need to preface Steph's part with "Steph:"?)

Steph: Ramiele- (I'd like to bust your butt but I can't. I got another problem here. I gotta send somebody from this squadron to) Mirimar! Sushi! She would get laid at our house- she smells like soy sauce! Oy, with the clique again. I just hate her. I think she's a good singer, though, but this isn't a great song for her. She should have gone a different direction. Definitely borrrrrr-ing. (That last one was from Chip) Randy: You sure are pretty! Pretty boring! Hahahahaaa! Simon was RIGHT ON.

Jason - The best part of the whole thing was the fact that in his interview, when he is outside, there are a ton of flies and gnats flying around his stinky-ass hair! I will leave the rest to Carrie: "Oh, I loved him, I think he is so cute, I want to have the intercourse with him sexually and stare into his eyes and cheekbones and smoke pot and make funny faces and play dumb so the girls will like me blahblahblah."

Steph: Castro- Celebrating 3-11 Day in style! STONED! At least in his "package," but maybe not on stage. Anyway- If I Fell! Chip and I walked back down the aisle to this song! So he's got a 3-11 thing and a wedding thing- he should be my guy! But he's not- you know I can't talk about it without gagging. Anyway. . .pretty good! (Wait- WTF was that face at the end?) Whatever- he's cute, he's got it all working. If it weren't for the dreds (shudder) and the John Travolta thing, I might love him. But I don't. Next!

Carrrrrly - She is from Ireland and works at an Irish pub? Hadn't noticed. She is pretty good this week, although not my favorite Beatles song (sorry Carrie). Simon fully didn't remember her name later - classic.

Steph: Carly- Did she "Irish" up this week? Did she sound this Irish last week? Is she going to ransack my house and leave candy lying around? Chip says no, that she's always that Irish. Ranch, bitches! You know, I totally listened to clips from her big "debut" album from MCA the other day- ouch. This is much better! I guess I like her. Musically and non- she's one of the only two girls I'd like to have a beer with. (Although, Syesha? Call me. We'll share some Hennessy and kick back and listen to some jazz. Maybe a little massage? I'm just sayin.) Chip is not feeling it. I'm somewhere between him and Randy. Wait- Kelly Clarkson? No. No sir. That's. . .no. Just no. But then he winked! you know I love when Simon winks.

David Cook - Does the 30 Seconds to Mars version of my favorite Beatles song. (PS - every time I write "Beatles", I pronounce it like Apu.) (BTW - I'm Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts club man. I hope I will enjoy My show.) David does a good job and is moving up most draft boards, to the point that he might go third overall to the Falcons.

Steph: David- I love you David! I'm such a sucker for the whole rock posturing thing, like back with Daughtry- I'm a rock girl! The drummer is rocking this shit! And so is David. Chip says that on principle he can't abide a different arrangement of this song, but in reality, he just rocked that shit. Chip and Paula simultaneously say something about a "dark horse." I think dirty thoughts. Awesome! Best so far. Brilliant indeed. Simon says what I'm thinking, as usual. I'll be voting IDOLS 06! Ryan's right- Simon IS on his game!

Brooke - Does the Letter B. Looks...different tonight? Like, better - less albino and more color to her cheeks. Cries after this song, and is barefoot - it is official, I could never date this chick. I need a lady on the street but a freak in the bed, I said yayeah yayeah. I like her, but I don't want her to win. She seems like that girl at work that you really respect because she is a really good person, but at the same time, you always back out when she tries to get you and your significant other to hang out with her and her husband, because it just isn't gonna be a fun night.

Steph: Brooke- Moved to Mesa to. . . work on her music? She's so lovely and pleasant! Oh no. Let It Be? I'll keep my fingers crossed. . . Chip says, Who is she in today's market? I'm like, Carly Simon? We like her a lot, but we don't really understand how she fits. She did give a nice, simple, heartfelt performance. Aw, she's crying! So cute! She is just lovely. I have a weird ambivalence about her- I love her, but I don't. She's still at the top, though. Probably top two girls, top six overall.

Gayvid Hernanstripper: Terrible. He blows it - it kinda sucked. Took it hard from the judges. He wanted nothing butt love from everyone, but ended up really getting drilled hard. He will have to come from behind next week in order to finish first. Penis.

Steph: David- Stripper. STRIPPER! Say pizza bistro one more time. We all know that's code for GAY MALE STRIPPER! Work the stage, that's right. Anyway, he's solid, like always, but nothing to write home about. Why is he pronouncing the word "dance" like that? Day-unce. Anyway, OMG! His best friends are Hooters waitresses and the gay black guy from Mannequin! Wow! Chip says, in a British accent, "Karaoke, cabaret, ugh." Simon does him one better with the, "No no no no." Ha! Chip, "He's just cheesy. I dunno."

Amanda Overmeyer - (Wait, the black guy from Mannequin?) I don't know, I have a feeling that I know this song, but I just can't tell what it is. She is better this week, although for some reason, when Simon talks to her, I feel like I can actually see her die inside. (Better than the dye outside - am I right? Can I get a what what T Shane?) Taye Diggs - what, is he like 40 now? I wish I looked that good now! Not just in...8 years? 8 years from 40? Holy shit I'm old!!!

Steph: Amanda Overmeyer- Why do we have to say her last name every time? Did you know someone is shopping nude pics of her on the internet? Bring it on! She's so cute. She looks her age tonight. The extensions work for her. My first Beatles album was Hard Day's Night. Woohoo! Chip, "She's a one trick pony. And I'm tired of that trick." Well said, Governor! (Seriously- he got caught with a prostitute and more than 24 hours later still hasn't resigned? The hell?) Anyway, Chip thinks Amanda is the female version of Chris Robinson from the Black Crowes. Sings riffs instead of melodies. Tonight Chip is giving Simon a run for his money in the insightful comments department. Hot! Anyway, we like Amanda for what she does, and we think she does a great job at it, it's just not really our thing. I still think that OMG TAYE DIGGS!!!!

(PS - from now on, when I see Amanda Overmeyer, I am gonna be like, I am tired of that trick.)

Michael Johns - Oh, he is from Australia - I was wondering about the accent. He is still hot, but I agree with Simon - one week he is just gonna bust out some shit. He is the hot tennis instructor - they show him teaching a guy, because they wanted to avoid the real truth that he nails a ton of 46 year old housewives who look like Catherine from CSI after he gives them their lesson.

Steph: Michael Johns- Yeah, I looked up his band on MySpace. I have the hots for him. What do you want from me!? I'm all moony-eyed, like "That was awesome!" Chip and the male judges are looking at me and Paula like we're crazy. But seriously- he could have sat down and taken a shit on stage and Paula and I would be calling R Kelly to collaborate on a song about it. He is just it. OMG- did Simon just say "What's the Irish girls name?" Heee!

KLC - wait, what was that about R Kelly? OK - KLC, put a bag over her head and do your business, that's what I say. She is a tomboy and likes outdoor stuff - why have they been hiding this from us? The thing is, she could make the top 10 if she would wear a skirt and show off the gams. I would vote for her the way I did with McPhee and Scarnato. She has a rockin' bod! Oh yeah, and she is the suckiest suck who ever sucked this week. I mean, seriously - if it weren't for the Ben Affleck/Jimmy Kimmel thing, I would say that that was from Grobania, it sucked so hard musically. When it started, it caught me so unprepared for the level of suckitude which was to inevitably follow, that I had to pause it to compose myself.

Steph: KLC (BTW, my initials are SLC. That's what I go by at work. Just thought you should know.) Anyway, Kristy is singzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Wait, here goes the song. MAKE IT STOP! AAAGGHHH! No no no no no! A thousand times no! If we were allowed to vote someone off, I would be voting for her. A part of my soul just died. Seriously- if she weren't hot, we would be fast forwarding right now. Finally, it's over. Chip, "That was some country shit right there." Well said. Wow- I have never agreed with Paula as much as I did just then. (Except for before with Michael.) Simon is right- it's one thing to be country, it's another to go that far on the country side of things. WTF with him and Ryan? They remind us of this: http://current.com/items/88864794_reporter_hates_anchor_anchor_hates_reporter

David - OK, I remember when Mike Tyson got knocked out by Buster Douglas, and it was the first time in my life that I was stunned to the point of speechlessness. When David messed up that first part, well, it was that same feeling! Like seeing a 1 seed lose in the playoffs - this thing is wide open! He just messed up the whole time! It never got better! The Giants could conceivably beat the Patriots in this game! That was a disaster of epic proportions. Well, not as bad as your college football team being eliminated from the BCS championship game before classes even start.

Steph: Archuleta- Don't get tangled in your eyelashes! (http://www.televisionwithoutpity.com/) OMG- He forgot the words! Ha! Even Archuleta believes the backlash I've artificially created! And again! And AGAIN! He's a mess! Maybe he's scared David is going to out him as a poor tipper. Ooof! Bad arrangement, bad performance, wow. Has anyone ever forgotten the words that bad this late in the game? Not on point. Well said, dawg. Simon said he was a mess- he's right there with us.

I think Asia'n leaves tonight, but pray to God that KLC goes home. Or, if she doesn't, she wears as little as possible next week.

Thanks for the input tonight, Steph!

Steph: Here come the recaps- in retrospect, Syesha and Chikezie sound even better. Asia'n sounds even worse. And Cook still wins the night for us. Outstanding! Archuleta sure did sound better in the dress rehearsal. It's over!