American Idol Top 11

First off, Happy St. Patrick's Day, and Welcome Jackson!

*Again, me in black, Steph in Blue*

Tonight is important because the top 10 make the tour, but it is unimportant because it is country music night, which is terrible. I see a lot of fast forwarding in our future.

The skeleton of Randy Travis will be advising the contestants tonight. Randy Travis is a doll. His teeth! I could just eat him up with a spoon. Carrie wants him to be her grandfather.

Roughrider: Randy Travis' advice - "Don't lose the words in the lick" - that's what she said. I hate that song on Idol. It's just an exercise in saying a bunch of words. It's like The End of the World As We Know It, etc. I didn't care for that. Yeah, this song combined the worst elements of country and rap. It is called, "Ain't goin' down 'til the sun comes up," which I believe is the country remake of Elton John's "Oh let your son go down on me." (Still my joke.) Simon says, "Can't understand a word. Am I right Steve and Eydie?"

Allison: Sings a song by Linda Lovelace? Will it sound all gargly? She's so awesome. I like how the corners of her smile make her look a little like the Joker. Oh Kara- the cliche is "sing the phone book," not "alphabet." Singing the alphabet isn't a crazy notion- I do it daily! Carrie: "sings the alphabet - I hate that! Oh wait, that's the phone book." Simon: "Precocious". Randy: "Dope"

Cutie McYoungLife: Is this show over yet? I haven't recognized a song yet, and this bored me to tears. More Garth. Oh, this song is a cover, right? It was on the Hope Floats soundtrack. So embarrassing that I know that, but not any more embarrassing than the fact that I'm watching AI. OK, time to fast forward- I'm tired! Yes, this is the third straight we have fast forwarded. I'll just agree with whatever Simon says. . . Oh, he liked it? OK then. I guess it was good. Not only did the judges like it, but Randy said "tender moment from my dog Kris," which made me wish that Kris' name was Rover or something. Oh, and Paula has that weird cleavage separation thing working tonight. Paula looks good tonight. You just never know what she's going to bring to the table fashion-wise.

Lil: Sings that song about Bill Pullman. Randy Travis again says something to her about having more room for the licks you do - they are reaching Golf Channel amount of double entendres tonight. Looks like she's going to prom again. She's black and doesn't know country? What are the odds? Independence Day is awesome- she might be able to sell this. I don't want her to sing straight country, though. That seems counter-productive. She should have done I Will Always Love You! This started okay, then ended great. You just nailed that shit, Lil Rounds. Man, she can sing. But I can't look at this objectively in the least. I've got the Tigers winning my bracket and Lil winning AI. There is no limit to the Memphis pride right now. OK, I think Lil is short for Lillian and not Little. Whatever, Simon! Although I secretly agree with his assessment. (Shhhh! Don't tell Coach Cal.) Carrie and I had the same talk about objectivity with the Memphis girls, but it happened on the skinny chick, not Lil. (Which I think is short for Lilly. Although I am intrigued by naming our daughter Little and calling her Lil for short - would you need an apostrophe?)

Trainwreck: Takes a song about Johnny Cash's succumbing to his own desires, and subtly makes it about butt sex. OK, I can't believe this guy is a front-runner. Randy Travis, I agree with you- I don't need this. He does have a nice blouse/necklace thing going on. I am worried that the judges are going to fall all over themselves to praise this, since he is doing what they just told Lil she should have done. Kara said it was strange, but she liked it, which is not only what she said, but also jives with what I think Adam is making the song about. Simon- "WTH was that?" Ha! Love you, Simon! Chip loves when Simon uses the word indulgent. Score! But really- that was just horrible. Horrible! Indulgent is an understatement. Chip and Simon and me and Carrie and everyone else is right about that. (BTW - we paused and had a 20 minute discussion about why he is the front runner, and the following words were used: Twilight, androgyny, Pete Wentz, gay, bisexual, 14 year-old girls, Boy George, burning man, ecstasy, Hot Topic, the Jonas Brothers, and the phrase, "yeah I just don't get it either.")

Blindy McWonderCharlesHealy: Seriously, our 4th fast forward of the night. I love that Randy Travis is such an old-school guy- he's like, You can't sing a girl song! Hee! Hey Randy- what doesn't sound quite right is that Scott isn't a good singer. OK, I just don't like his singing, so I'm going to fast forward here. Ugh- Simon and Paula are arguing. I don't have time for this. Scott says that he keeps "losing hat picks" and doesn't get to sing his original song choices - maybe he should have someone supervise those in the future...

Memphis 2: We most certainly do NOT all like country down here in the south! No kidding - we both were like, speak for yourself, woman! I do love this song, though- it's my pick each year for country week! That is exactly what I told Carrie - I was like, I get Cold Cold Heart, Steph gets Jolene. I guess I do like some country. Just not the Toby Keith kind. Here's my other Tiger in the Final Four. Make it happen girl! OK, I feel like she is emotionally connected to the song, the first person I can say that about tonight. She strangely looks a little like Dolly to me tonight. THANK YOU - I mentioned it to Carrie, then more and more as the song went on, it became uncanny. Am I projecting, or has that always been the case? Never noticed before, but it was very odd and I am so happy you agree with us. I liked her, of course. What can I say. When they showed her family, it was strangely a cross section of every white person I see when I come into Memphis.

Gokey: Oh no- not this song. Make it stop. I like Carrie Underwear okay, as a person, but she's the kind of country I don't like to listen to. I mean really, there are okay country songs. Why sing this one? I think it is because it is about a woman who almost dies. I hate to say that, but the association was there for me, so I can imagine it stirs up sympathy again among voters, even if it is subliminally. Oh, I see- so that he can belt out the chorus and blow the roof off this mother. That too. If I didn't hate this song so much, I'd be impressed. But I'm not. Yeah, it is like, the woman in the song loses control of the car with her kids in it, and stops trying to save their lives and leaves it all in Jesus' hands? If your house is on fire, do you try to get the kids out, or do you toss your hands in the air and just leave it up to Jesus? It is so irresponsible. (You see where there are just one set of skid marks? It was then that I was driving for you.) I hate country music. I agree with Kara, and I'm not just saying that because she's hot- dude - the first half of that song sucked. Paula wants to be the next Mrs. Gokey. Simon and Kara really hate each other, don't they? Oh yeah, Carrie thought he was nasal-y.

Anoop: Randy Travis - "hard to get Willie out of your mind." I believe that was a direct quote from She. They are killing me for TWSSs this week, seriously. Anoop - please don't suck again this week. I need you to stick around to balance out the douchiness of the other male contestants. He is actually really good this time! I like this. I like Anoop. It is like, he stopped coasting and actually tried! As an aside, I'm really glad they're getting country night out of the way early this year. But then again, we have to hear 11 country songs instead of like, fewer than 11 country songs. Make next week "Disco" and we can get the uncomfortable crap out of the way. You are thinking of SYTYCD here - I don't mind disco if they choose the right songs. I mean, except for what Lambert is gonna do. I hate when country or disco knock out a real contender towards the end of the season- it's just not fair. Simon loves him too! Yay!

Teh Hawtnass - I love hearing Randy T. try to be diplomatic. Whatever - he said that Megan "has been done every way possible," agreeing with my assessment from last week. Oh, wait, he was talking about the song. Wow- she is freaking gorgeous. Really, it is starting to get ridiculous. Good job putting the girls front and center- it almost distracts me from the debacle of what's coming out of her mouth. My thoughts exactly - oh, did you say coming "out of" her mouth? But still - remember in The 40 Year Old Virgin when he says that breasts feel like a big bag of sand? That is what they look like this week! Chip is speechless. And wow- she's got a nipple ring! Oh yeah - I don't know about Chip, but my peenie just went "huh?" I agree with Simon- she looks flawlessly gorgeous and not quirky anymore. Chip said something to that effect earlier, actually. Like we expect her to sound better because she looks so good. It's weird. I will give the vocals a pass because of two reasons - one, she sounded good when working with Randy Travis, and two, the flu thing, for which I am guessing about half the coughs were caused by (the other half was for sympathy).

WMU G - This is fine. Carrie really likes him - again, I feel some sort of kinship based on regionalism, even if I have only been to Kalamazoo once, and that was just the interstate. I just hate modern country music that's not by the Dixie Chicks, especially the ballads, so I can't really comment on this. I like Matt. Kara says, "there's nothing small about you", which is again exactly what she said. Paula says that she likes his authentict...authenct...she thinks he is authentic. Simon seems to like him, but then compares him to Michael Bubbly, which is about as low of an insult as you can give, unless you compare him to a certain popera-star-who-shall-not-be-named. (Not even in a comment on this post!!!)

My top five are Allison, Memphis 1&2, Anoop and Matt. I don't care about the rest of them. Really I'm just glad country night is over.
I am starting to get disappointed in this season. Then again, I think that every year after country week. I like the Memphians and Chateau Giraud, and especially Teh Hawtness, but I just know that I have like 6 to 10 more weeks of Adam's douche-terity, VisionQuest sticking around longer than he should, Gokily Dokily following an Elliot Yamin tragectory, and Kris Allen's Mormonstrosity. I say the Roughrider goes home this week, but whatever.