Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Good times never seemed so good

It's Neil Diamond Night Bitches. Greatest AI week potential since they had Queensryche night in season 2. Plus, they get two songs tonight, just awesome. Did Seacrest just say that tonight is all about the Jews? Oh - the "twos" - my bad. Two songs apiece? I'm not sure America is familiar with ten ND songs. I mean, I am, but is everyone? Yes I've seen the man in concert- recently. I took Mom last time he was here. It was amazing! I also saw the Jazz Singer, and I feel like it was in a theater? Maybe Mom knows. Anyway, this intro is fantastic- I got up and danced, much to Chloe's chagrin. (No dance, Mommy!) ND looks great- he has aged well. I'm anxious to hear you sing. . . my songs. He's so dramatic! I love just hearing him talk. I love Neil Diamond! This season the mentors have been awesome, that's for sure. PS - I would TOTALLY sing Brother Love's Traveling Salvation Show as one of my songs. If I got to do two? Either Sweet Caroline, Forever in Blue Jeans, America, or I Am Said I.

This. . . is aMERican Idol! Chip and I always wonder how Ryan can say that with a straight face.
Rita Wilson is in the house! No Rita- you're too good for this!

Castro - such a powerful song, you don't need to sing it all pussy-ish dude. His voice just doesn't have the power for this. I don't want people to try and do a Neil Diamond impersonation or anything, but they should at least try to emulate the strength and emotion of his singing. This isn't reeling me in. I am officially over Castro. Maybe his September Morn will be better. ND is such a good songwriter though. Carrie somehow defends her boy, even though his alternating between 2 registers bothered her. He's praying that next week is Jack Johnson week, I'll tell you that. ND wrote this song after he killed a homeless man to get an erection.

DC - He is funny with Ryan. Seacrest- that is EXACTLY what I used to do in the back of Susan Haneman's mom's station wagon! Anyway, ND loved Cook. We're on the same page, baby. Cook is rocking this, of course. That's the kind of emotion and power ND deserves! That's right, belt that shit out dude. TODAY!!!! Although, I don't really know that song. And we think it is dedicated to his bro. Plus, it was like 45 seconds long - wtf? Chip says almost exactly that- "Now that was in the spirit of Neil Diamond!" He's trying to get laid with that right there. Well played, Chip. Wow- as I was writing that, Chip said, "ND still gets laid." Hee!

Brooke - She is going to play 2 instruments. I've got an instrument she can play! She is singing a Monkees song since ND wrote it. Cop out, you lose cool points Brooke. That's like saying Radio Flyer is your favorite Tom Hanks movie. (PS - completely independent of the Rita Wilson reference earlier!) Carrie - "Shrek ruined this song." Me - "Smashmouth ruined it". Carrie - "well, yeah!" Facial expressions - all over the place Brooke, wtf? She either has something up her ass or she just sucks. I am guessing the latter, because the former will never happen. Eh. her pants are are so sparkly! Paula is half-assed dancing in her sad old lady prom dress. Chip and I agree that Brooke seems more confident at least, even if she had no reason to be. That was boring. That song is too karaoke to be allowed on AI.

DA - Sings the two easiest choices, and it feels like he is cheating. Even though he chose the songs in order to curry favor with this blogger. No, he's not really singing these two songs. I can't take it. Have I mentioned that I can't even stand his speaking voice at this point? I am unreasonable. He doesn't add all the "Lord have mercy"s that I do, since I have the live version on my ND greatest hits CD. Which, btw, greatest version ever is the live one. So instead of doing the karaoke version of this song, he's doing the Up With People version. Outstanding. He will work this into a worship service at some point, believe me. Carrie is easily the most irritated by me at this point, since she only hears about 4 seconds of DA singing over my own singing. Yes, he has a good voice, and he's adorable. I shouldn't be a hater.

Syesha - Man, ND is a great songwriter. ND would hit that. I like Syesha, but good God I hope she doesn't win. Aw, I wish she would have picked Brother Love! I liked her hair better during the mentoring, I'm just saying. I wish she wouldn't go straight on the hair, I like the curly. If she wins, it just shows that AI is all about the safe one now, especially after last year. Anyway, this song could really be an R&B hit for her right now. It translates well to 2008, Neil. Good job. Carrie really liked it btw.

Ryan brings everyone out for a quick judging? WTF? This is awkward. Randy - Jason was just OK, DC good, Brooke teh suxxors, DA bomb, Syesha good. Paula - mentions Jason's two songs because she is a moron and people laugh. It is over, she is over. I mean, this is a disaster. Simon - Brooke a nightmare, thank you. Wow - end this now. Weird judging, but I like the bullet points. (Like Shannon's eventual eulogy!) Wow- Paula is already judging song two. Yowza. I just blushed for her. I have never been as uncomfortable while watching this show as I was just then. Simon- well done on the weird judging! He was meant for bullet points!

Castrol - Neil Diamond did not write songs for this guy. We're amazed at how off-beat the swaying zombies in the "mosh pit" are. This is fine, but boring. This will get him laid at that luau Randy referenced a few weeks ago. But the last two notes were horrible. ND is like, when God lets you have hair, why would you ruin it with white dreads? This could be like ND's hair is the Salieri to Castro's hair's Mozart. Let's judge him for the second time in 20 seconds - Randy is like, u r teh suck. OK, Paula just totally redeemed herself with that brilliant observation- he took his same liberties with both songs. I mean, it wasn't well-said, but it was right on. Paula is like mlamlmalmagggggggggg. Simon is right. Whatever judges- that's exactly what Castro always sounds like- he didn't sound any worse or different than usual. It's just that his act has grown old.

DC - The rawker's second outing - please let him win. Please? Randy liked him, I am over Paula after the debacle, Simon liked it. I guess I'm incapable of any kind of unbiased opinions about David Cook. I love him from note one, every time. Chip actually agrees. I have to quote Chip right here: "I've always compared him to Daughtry, but I just realized how much more depth he has." I think it's the musical theater background. Plus he doesn't rely on the vibrato like Daughtry does. Anyway, we would both like to see him win. We realize we're at the popularity contest portion of the season though, so it's just up to whether or not he has the fans. I'm scared it will be Archie. I mean, he's good enough to deserve it, but I just don't like little David as much as big David, ya know?

Brooke - I am, I cried. I am, said I. My other wish is that Brooke goes home this week. That was fine. Not a nightmare or anything. It's hard to sing, the octaves and the phrasing are hard. She doesn't have a chance of winning or anything, but she didn't embarass herself. Better the second time. Simon on song #1- Girl's night out karaoke. Ha! Girls like Brooke, Everybody knows one! Wait, wrong song.

DA - On the boats and on the planes, that's where DA should be performing. That. was. terrible. Period. (Do you type the word "period" after you write a period?) But yeah, that was theme park shit there. Oh my, that sucked. That was the suckiest suck that ever sucked. You gotta belt that shit out son. Are there many songs better than this? No! The thing is, it's just cheesy enough for ND to pull off, since he has an acceptable level of built-in cheese. Archuleta's cheese level just pushes it over the top. But man can he sing! Whew! I guess I am alone on this one.

Syesha - Much better the second time. I just don't want to see her win this show for the second year in a row. But she is very hot, and she was getting down. Get down Ricky! Man- Syesha has really pulled into third place these last couple of weeks, yeah? She has come alive while Castro has nose-dived (and Brooke has held on by a thread). Nice job, Syesha! Ooh- Simon said she was in danger because he lurves her and wants people to vote for her! Yay Simon!

The show was rushed tonight. Anyone other than Cook can go home for all I care.

Tonight:
1. Cook
2. Syesha
3. Archie
4. Brooke
5. Castro
Overall- switch Syesha and Archuleta. I mean really- as we watch the recap of the show, it's amazing how much Cook stands out. Archie may be better technically, but do you want to listen to his CD? Hear him sing several songs in a concert? No. I might illegally download his Christmas CD, but that's all I've got for him. Cook I would see in concert, you know? Definitely listen to his songs when they play on the radio.
Also, it has to be noted: Chip violently hates Castro at this point. It's fun to watch!
Chockley out!

9 comments:

Stephanie said...

You aren't alone on Archie- I thought his Today! sucked! It's just that he has a good voice, even when he's doing crappy arrangements and butchering a song. It's his style that sucks, not his pipes.

Stan said...

It's all about David Cook for me. I'm gonna have to boycott if he gets to anything less than the finals.

I'm afraid Brooke has the hugest fan base in America, after her travesty last week and not even being bottom three, she has has got to have fans!

I too, now hate Archuleta. He has an amazing voice, but now I focus on his lack of movement - how his dancing is just a squatting move with a hand out to the side for balance, and how he is concentrating so hard on ALW's advice to open his eyes. I think he's adorable and I love the face he makes when he's waiting for the judges, but I also would love to see the face he'd make if I gave him a swift kick to the 'nads.

Syesha is getting better, but she is just unoriginal.

Buh bye Jason!

Cullen said...

Ok, no mention of Paula's gaffe when judging Syesha after the 2nd song and calling her Brooke?? Really???
I can't stand Castro or Brooke. DA picked the 2 most well known ND songs, neither of which was suitable for him. I am so mad that he took America. I was waiting for David Cook to rock that. It pains me to know that DA will probably win b/c he has 10 million screaming pre-teen girls calling in for him. 2 years from now he will be the opening act for Michael W. Smith (thanks to Gina for that gem).

Chip said...

I still think this should've been the Maynard/Tool night.

Stephanie said...

I've moved past imagining what Tool song everyone would sing to trying to imagine what each mentoring session would be like. I assume Maynard would snap Archie's neck and walk calmly from the room. Yes?

Stacey Greenberg said...

i tried listening to archie sing with my eyes closed to see if he really did sound as good as the judges think he does, but he doesn't. seriously, i don't get it. he is so blah.

poor paula.

i'm going to have to start watching in real time so i can vote a million times for david cook. or maybe i'll get AT&T just so i can text.

Cathy said...

Last night was painful for me. I was really looking forward to it, but listening to Castro, Brooke, and Archie was just awful. I agree with Shannon, Archie's performance was total theme park. I am so over that kid.

Stan said...

ugh, I cannot stand not commenting on the looser! Or the choreographed dancing! I thought Brooke and her tearful sobs would bring joy to several on this blog. I have to say, I felt bad, but twinged that with some joy that she had exactly the reaction that we all expected.

Stan said...

p.s. Neal Diamond's 900 year old mom and her gigantic wig rocks!