Good times never seemed so good

It's Neil Diamond Night Bitches. Greatest AI week potential since they had Queensryche night in season 2. Plus, they get two songs tonight, just awesome. Did Seacrest just say that tonight is all about the Jews? Oh - the "twos" - my bad. Two songs apiece? I'm not sure America is familiar with ten ND songs. I mean, I am, but is everyone? Yes I've seen the man in concert- recently. I took Mom last time he was here. It was amazing! I also saw the Jazz Singer, and I feel like it was in a theater? Maybe Mom knows. Anyway, this intro is fantastic- I got up and danced, much to Chloe's chagrin. (No dance, Mommy!) ND looks great- he has aged well. I'm anxious to hear you sing. . . my songs. He's so dramatic! I love just hearing him talk. I love Neil Diamond! This season the mentors have been awesome, that's for sure. PS - I would TOTALLY sing Brother Love's Traveling Salvation Show as one of my songs. If I got to do two? Either Sweet Caroline, Forever in Blue Jeans, America, or I Am Said I.

This. . . is aMERican Idol! Chip and I always wonder how Ryan can say that with a straight face.

Rita Wilson is in the house! No Rita- you're too good for this!

Castro - such a powerful song, you don't need to sing it all pussy-ish dude. His voice just doesn't have the power for this. I don't want people to try and do a Neil Diamond impersonation or anything, but they should at least try to emulate the strength and emotion of his singing. This isn't reeling me in. I am officially over Castro. Maybe his September Morn will be better. ND is such a good songwriter though. Carrie somehow defends her boy, even though his alternating between 2 registers bothered her. He's praying that next week is Jack Johnson week, I'll tell you that. ND wrote this song after he killed a homeless man to get an erection.

DC - He is funny with Ryan. Seacrest- that is EXACTLY what I used to do in the back of Susan Haneman's mom's station wagon! Anyway, ND loved Cook. We're on the same page, baby. Cook is rocking this, of course. That's the kind of emotion and power ND deserves! That's right, belt that shit out dude. TODAY!!!! Although, I don't really know that song. And we think it is dedicated to his bro. Plus, it was like 45 seconds long - wtf? Chip says almost exactly that- "Now that was in the spirit of Neil Diamond!" He's trying to get laid with that right there. Well played, Chip. Wow- as I was writing that, Chip said, "ND still gets laid." Hee!

Brooke - She is going to play 2 instruments. I've got an instrument she can play! She is singing a Monkees song since ND wrote it. Cop out, you lose cool points Brooke. That's like saying Radio Flyer is your favorite Tom Hanks movie. (PS - completely independent of the Rita Wilson reference earlier!) Carrie - "Shrek ruined this song." Me - "Smashmouth ruined it". Carrie - "well, yeah!" Facial expressions - all over the place Brooke, wtf? She either has something up her ass or she just sucks. I am guessing the latter, because the former will never happen. Eh. her pants are are so sparkly! Paula is half-assed dancing in her sad old lady prom dress. Chip and I agree that Brooke seems more confident at least, even if she had no reason to be. That was boring. That song is too karaoke to be allowed on AI.

DA - Sings the two easiest choices, and it feels like he is cheating. Even though he chose the songs in order to curry favor with this blogger. No, he's not really singing these two songs. I can't take it. Have I mentioned that I can't even stand his speaking voice at this point? I am unreasonable. He doesn't add all the "Lord have mercy"s that I do, since I have the live version on my ND greatest hits CD. Which, btw, greatest version ever is the live one. So instead of doing the karaoke version of this song, he's doing the Up With People version. Outstanding. He will work this into a worship service at some point, believe me. Carrie is easily the most irritated by me at this point, since she only hears about 4 seconds of DA singing over my own singing. Yes, he has a good voice, and he's adorable. I shouldn't be a hater.

Syesha - Man, ND is a great songwriter. ND would hit that. I like Syesha, but good God I hope she doesn't win. Aw, I wish she would have picked Brother Love! I liked her hair better during the mentoring, I'm just saying. I wish she wouldn't go straight on the hair, I like the curly. If she wins, it just shows that AI is all about the safe one now, especially after last year. Anyway, this song could really be an R&B hit for her right now. It translates well to 2008, Neil. Good job. Carrie really liked it btw.

Ryan brings everyone out for a quick judging? WTF? This is awkward. Randy - Jason was just OK, DC good, Brooke teh suxxors, DA bomb, Syesha good. Paula - mentions Jason's two songs because she is a moron and people laugh. It is over, she is over. I mean, this is a disaster. Simon - Brooke a nightmare, thank you. Wow - end this now. Weird judging, but I like the bullet points. (Like Shannon's eventual eulogy!) Wow- Paula is already judging song two. Yowza. I just blushed for her. I have never been as uncomfortable while watching this show as I was just then. Simon- well done on the weird judging! He was meant for bullet points!

Castrol - Neil Diamond did not write songs for this guy. We're amazed at how off-beat the swaying zombies in the "mosh pit" are. This is fine, but boring. This will get him laid at that luau Randy referenced a few weeks ago. But the last two notes were horrible. ND is like, when God lets you have hair, why would you ruin it with white dreads? This could be like ND's hair is the Salieri to Castro's hair's Mozart. Let's judge him for the second time in 20 seconds - Randy is like, u r teh suck. OK, Paula just totally redeemed herself with that brilliant observation- he took his same liberties with both songs. I mean, it wasn't well-said, but it was right on. Paula is like mlamlmalmagggggggggg. Simon is right. Whatever judges- that's exactly what Castro always sounds like- he didn't sound any worse or different than usual. It's just that his act has grown old.

DC - The rawker's second outing - please let him win. Please? Randy liked him, I am over Paula after the debacle, Simon liked it. I guess I'm incapable of any kind of unbiased opinions about David Cook. I love him from note one, every time. Chip actually agrees. I have to quote Chip right here: "I've always compared him to Daughtry, but I just realized how much more depth he has." I think it's the musical theater background. Plus he doesn't rely on the vibrato like Daughtry does. Anyway, we would both like to see him win. We realize we're at the popularity contest portion of the season though, so it's just up to whether or not he has the fans. I'm scared it will be Archie. I mean, he's good enough to deserve it, but I just don't like little David as much as big David, ya know?

Brooke - I am, I cried. I am, said I. My other wish is that Brooke goes home this week. That was fine. Not a nightmare or anything. It's hard to sing, the octaves and the phrasing are hard. She doesn't have a chance of winning or anything, but she didn't embarass herself. Better the second time. Simon on song #1- Girl's night out karaoke. Ha! Girls like Brooke, Everybody knows one! Wait, wrong song.

DA - On the boats and on the planes, that's where DA should be performing. That. was. terrible. Period. (Do you type the word "period" after you write a period?) But yeah, that was theme park shit there. Oh my, that sucked. That was the suckiest suck that ever sucked. You gotta belt that shit out son. Are there many songs better than this? No! The thing is, it's just cheesy enough for ND to pull off, since he has an acceptable level of built-in cheese. Archuleta's cheese level just pushes it over the top. But man can he sing! Whew! I guess I am alone on this one.

Syesha - Much better the second time. I just don't want to see her win this show for the second year in a row. But she is very hot, and she was getting down. Get down Ricky! Man- Syesha has really pulled into third place these last couple of weeks, yeah? She has come alive while Castro has nose-dived (and Brooke has held on by a thread). Nice job, Syesha! Ooh- Simon said she was in danger because he lurves her and wants people to vote for her! Yay Simon!

The show was rushed tonight. Anyone other than Cook can go home for all I care.

Tonight:

1. Cook

2. Syesha

3. Archie

4. Brooke

5. Castro

Overall- switch Syesha and Archuleta. I mean really- as we watch the recap of the show, it's amazing how much Cook stands out. Archie may be better technically, but do you want to listen to his CD? Hear him sing several songs in a concert? No. I might illegally download his Christmas CD, but that's all I've got for him. Cook I would see in concert, you know? Definitely listen to his songs when they play on the radio.

Also, it has to be noted: Chip violently hates Castro at this point. It's fun to watch!

Chockley out!

5 Left until SYTYCD

Chip and I are perversely excited about ALW night. Chip is hoping for disaster, while I'm hoping I'm moved to tears at least twice. I love musical theater, Chip does not. This is going to be our most polarizing episode ever! This night is going to be difficult for some of these contestants- there are a few that I can't imagine will "connect" with these songs. Like, I feel that Carly will miss the point. Brooke will smile during a sad song. You know?

Ricky Minor looks so cute in his suit! And Paula looks great tonight too. Probably the best she's looked all season.

ALW's outfit is outstanding. I want violet cordouroys! I kinda hate Andrew Lloyd Webber though. The only thing I can respect him for is that he got to nail this.

So while we're watching this, let me ask- did anyone else see the thing about what a bad stage dad Archuleta has? Poor Archie! http://www.tvsquad.com/2008/04/22/archuleta-dad-mired-in-accusations-of-being-horrible-stage-paren/

Uh, it is Andrew Lloyd Webber week, and ugh. Really? Ryan actually makes the brilliant point that when Simon says "too Broadway", it is a put down. So, we get a whole night of it? Then Paula is like, the real challenge will be to make the songs "contemporary". I know one way they could do that - BY ACTUALLY SINGING CONTEMPORARY SONGS!!!! I already hate the show tonight. And boy, is there gonna be a LOT of filler - 6 contestants, 2 minutes singing each, plus 16 minutes of commercials, leaving 32 minutes of talking.

(Tonight's rankings in parentheses)

Syesha (1) in the death slot - looks kinda hot and sings well. That really might be all I got here. This is her week to go, no matter how she sounds, right? Although you know she's done musical theater in her day. She's right- this is going to be a weird Idol night. Wow- she started totally wrong! Ricky and the boys covered it so smoothly that we had to go back and see it. That's a professional band right there! Syesha looks outstanding, and she sounds good, but still. You know, maybe it will be Brooke who goes home. I can't imagine her pulling this off. Way to dance with Ricky, Syesha! Man I love Ricky Minor. Also, Syesha is just having a great time, and I love that. Her best performance since Hollywood week. Well done! Randy is right- she will do well on Broadway. Paula says, "This is right in your love." Such as. The Iraq. Simon is turned on, which turns me on. Sorry, it's true.

Castro (6)- Can he do something from Grease? It's a musical! I crack Chip up with my impersonation of Castro impersonating Danny Zucko. That bit kills! Some joke about cats and his hair to make here, maybe Steph will. Castro is sticking with the dreds and the white shoes. I can't handle it. Maybe not. I thought he was bad, Carrie thought he was good. We agree to disagree, even though I am right and she is wrong. The judges agree with me. I choose to ignore Castro's Castro version of this song and instead focus on those lyrics and the real melody. I get chill bumps, and tears in my eyes, the way Memories tends to do, despite the fact that Castro is doing his best to suck the life out of it. The stuff I said before about Carly and Brooke? I meant Jason. Paula notes that Jason is not a "powerful female balladeer". Thanks for the clarification. Paula needs to put a sock in it- this sucked. Maybe next year, when there are 6 contestants left, they can sing something that America might like. Randy says that Jason is a pretty man. Everything Simon says is true. I'm with you Simon- that is exactly what he sounded like! (A kid being forced by his parents to sing this at a wedding.)

Brooke White (5) - I need to turn on the air conditioner at this point, because I am ready to fall asleep. ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz. I will be putting the Evita soundtrack in my car tomorrow. Oh fuck, she has already been crying in her package. And...Holy crap - she messed up! Wow - most people would just take that in stride, but she makes them START THE SONG OVER!!!!! Brooke, you can't keep starting over! Carrie says, "she tries to be sweet, but she is so pretentious." Chip: "I don't know- she makes me nervous." Now, her singing "you must love me" really comes across as very diva-like, especially after she said this would be her best moment on the show. Her voice just isn't powerful enough- she's not convincing me. I understand she has the emotion behind it, but you have to sound desperate on top of it to pull off the Evita. I love that dress, though. Wow - Paula calls her out on starting and stopping and starting over. Paula- damn. Brooke isn't talking now!! At least Brooke isn't talking back. Go home! (Hehe - I am experiencing what the ancient Mayans call "schadenfreude".) Simon is right, again. He says the same thing Chip did, essentially. Oh crap, she is crying again. When I die and go to hell, I will be forced to marry this chick.

Rick(y) Schroeder is in the house!

DA (4) - Has like 17 sisters. (That's gross, having the girls come hug him. Ugh.) He should do "well" this week. I think he's going to be awesome tonight! Carrie thinks he is losing weight. Oooh- I'm worried about this. I'm not sure I want to hear a poppy version of this. Although Simon did say that the contestants needed to make these songs relevant. He sounds good, of course. And it could go on his album. if Sir ALW would let him (which he won't). I'm going to put Phantom in my car tomorrow too- I need to hear the original version. I mean, that was a fine pop version of the song, but I need to hear it the old-fashioned way! Wow - 3 years from now, in arenas across the country, this shall be heard: "Coming in concert: Josh Grobin, with opening act David Archuletta." (It is times like this that I am happy to be able to watch this show in front of the computer, because instead of watching this show, I can do ANYTHING ELSE!!) Simon luckily didn't like it, which makes me happy. Seriously though, of all the people, did you think Archuleta was the one who would un-Broadway one of these songs?

OMG- we totally had to pause it to gawk at the ghost of Paul Stanley. What would Beth say!?

Carly (2) - Looks like I might have been wrong about this one. She owes ALW a big one! I mean, hasn't bad song choice been her undoing to this point? She needed someone to pick a good song for her. Alright, she looks and sounds great. Ricky is getting down! (Have I mentioned that we love Ricky?) This is great. I disagree with Randy- this was better than just "good." Nice shirt- I don't know about that. OK, a guilty pleasure of mine is this song, because it is really bad. Plus, I always sing it as "Jesus Christ Superstar - what are they feeding you?" I don't know where Smelly Cat comes from, but that is how I roll. Also, as much as I don't understand the appeal of tattoos, I really don't get face tattoos. PS - this totally would have been the song that I would have sung on ALW week. Or the Don't Cry for me Argentina song.

DC (3) - Chip predicts a big Goth version of some Phantom song. He's half right! I'm nervous! I mean, I guess I want him to win and all, but I worry that this is his true colors. You know, a lot lamer than everyone thinks. Ooooh, he's a musical theater guy. I had no idea! And he's singing the sexy song. I'm excited already. Raw passion. . .mmmmmm. . . Anyway, here we go. I believe that is the first time he's ever just done a song "straight." It was awesome. I just love David Cook. I love David! He does good and all, I guess, but c'mon - it's Phantom of the Opera. I like NASCAR more than this. But yeah, he was the best of the night, even if Carly was my favorite.

Wow - Steph and I were not at all creatively on the same page tonight. It was difficult for me since I like my entertainment to be somewhat enjoyable, while Stephanie actually likes Andrew Lloyd Webber. Please let Brooke go home. Bottom 3 - Syesha, Brooke, Jason. But, Ryan actually made me laugh there by singing "If you want to vote for David." Please let next week be Maynard James Keenan week.

Chip gives it to Syesha tonight (he wishes!). She moved herself up tonight, for sure.

Tonight's rankings in parentheses above. Overall rankings here:

1. Cook

2. Archuletta

3. Carly

4. Syesha

5. Castro

6. Brooke

Stephanie out!

AI7

Yeah, it sucks without Michael Johns this week. Quit talking about MJ! I am trying to forget! If he brings up the NCAA Championship, I'm turning this off. But at least Minnie Driver is there. That is some star power! Did they use up every other celebrity last week? Wait - it is Mary Carey week? All porn? Bring back Amanda Overmeyer! Oh - it's Mariah Carey. Great - will everyone be required to go crazy at some point this week? Mariah- doesn't she have a record coming out today? How convenient. Also? Batshit crazy. So the theme is actually Mariah? Not top 10 songs, or ballads, or songs Randy Jackson has played on? It's really Mariah? Oh, I'm nervous. This is going to be a long night.

DA - "Scary" meeting with Mariah. That about sums it up for me too. I am guessing she will wear 17 different outfits tonight. He wasn't born when Heather sang a Mariah song in the RHS talent show. Whatevs. David sings some song by Mariah Carey, and this might be the most boring week ever for me. Just not a fan. Or a chick. Steph probably knows all the words to every song performed tonight. I mean, David is good and all, but I checked the score of the Tigers game during his performance. (They tied it up in the 8th!) Dave- inspirational week is over! Stop it! He's perfect though. He will sing the shit out of that coronation song on the finale! Chip: "Man- he sang that shit." Well said. Paula is slurry tonight. Like, Li'l Lisa Slurry. Oh shit- that was Mariah AND Whitney? You go, girl! Wow - DA doesn't eat on performance night. There is gonna be some filler tonight folks. Wait- does he have on leather pants?

Mariah Carly Slainte O'Halloran Sullivan Shannon O'Connor - We have high hopes! She was emotional when Michael Johns left last week, because she totally wanted to hit that. Aw, she misses MJ too! She will be singing a song by Pariah Carey tonight. Says that Mariah is like a big Sunshine Ray - I think that Sunshine Ray was a step sibling of mine at one point. We're trying to decide if anyone more famous has ever mentored the kids. At least famous currently. We think no. Sings a boring song - let's see, holy crap! Tiger Woods had knee surgery! Wait, I do know this song! 1 for 2 so far! I need to pay attention. Carly is doing a great job. If she would file down those front two teeth just a teensy bit, it would do so much for her! Ricky Minor was proud of her- that was cute. Carly is kinda shaky for me, I have to say. Plus, she rivals Mariah on the crazy scale. Randy says she needs to believe in her lower range - I could double that entendre, but in Carly's case I will make an exception. Paula says something. Paula looks good tonight, by the way. And actually, so does Carly. Stacy and Clinton would love that dress for her- that high waist is accenting her narrowest part, then flowing away from the hips! Plus the cleavage. Simon is like, I am going to say what we are all thinking. What's with Simon? I thought she was good!

Syesha coming up next, because she is still here and MJ went home. And by home, I mean probably in the crowd. Mariah needs to do a LOT of work here apparently. Don't you think it is biased when DA is perfect, but they show when Syesha needs some serious coaching? Does Mariah have on a Hello Kitty band aid? What a douche. Chloe has Hello Kitty underwear. She's two- I'm just sayin. Have I heard this song? Do I know this song? Not looking good - back to ESPN.com. Rose is entering the NBA draft - That is like when they identify the body after they sort out the plane crash. I am emotionless about it at this point - the heartbreak has already been dealt with. Wait - Syesha just did something cool with her voice. Syesha's Stay-Soft is glowing on her fro. She looks fantastic, though, so we don't mind. She is good and all, and with any luck, after this show is over, she can put out pop music that I will never listen to. She did a good job too, just a couple of rough notes towards the end, but good. She's just so beautiful! Paula says words that may not flow in sentence form, but you kinda see what she means. Simon is right - never heard this song. Please someone do Sweet sweet fantasy baby! I'm surprised through three people. I guess the fact that everyone is doing Mariah kind of levels the playing field.

Brooke - Yeah, she annoys me but I can't hate her. She's very sparkly! Wow - AI raised all that money last week for its corporate sponsors, but they couldn't fly Brooke out to her sister's wedding? Missed her sister's wedding. Bitch. Even odds that Brooke cries here. She is singing...a song that Cullen and I both fast forward through. Oh no- she's singing Hero. I haven't heard this without crying since Nancy Sims' funeral. I'm not sure I can do this! Wow - I was wrong about Brooke, because I was the one who teared up! Luckily, Carrie let me FF. I'm crying and all, but is Brooke losing it here at the end? I think that didn't end well. She was nervous- Chip thinks she wasn't ready to sing and play. I dunno. She looks good tonight. Randy sa...SHUT UP BROOKE!! PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STFU!!! THIS ISN'T AN INTERACTION! I HATE YOU! YOU DIE! YOU DIE AND YOU GO TO HELL! I SHOULD HAVE FAST FORWARDED THROUGH THE COMMENTS TOO!!!!! But shut up! Shut. Up. You too, Paula. "Every ounce of you is authentic to who you are." Such as. The Iraq. She's like the bun! Let's move on.

Sanjaya - Really, how is she still here? The Colonel- She's still here? Is it the America thing? She is still cute - she is singing another obscure Mariah song, which is redundantly redundant for me. She sounds rough just in the practice session. Oof. Mariah is being really cute and humble and all- I wouldn't have expected that. Anyway- eh. I just am not a big country fan, ya know? I think this will be good for her though, since she'll be able to avoid the direct comparison. Hmmm, what else is going on...Sports Guy will totally have Chris Paul winning the MVP award in his article tomorrow. Chip calls KLC the Hedu Turkoglu of this competition. That joke was just for the boys- ladies, he's the NBA's most improved player. It must be a contract year for the Colonel! (Why did KLC make us both think about the NBA?) Oh - the song is over - Carrie said that that was really good "for her". Randy cuts it down, because they are ready for this years hanger-on to go home. Paula, OMG. Paula- "country western." How quaint! Simon has the most backhanded thing ever with his "you probably weren't jumping for joy when you found out that it was Mariah week." Ouch! Dude - harsh! Don't you know, if you want her to go home, praise her a little more than that. Simon- I agree 100% with you, for the first time tonight. Blah and whiny but still a good choice.

Who let Ramiele back in? I thought we got rid of her.

David Cook - KLC's bro has to sing Mariah, huh? Please do Panic at the Disco's version of All I Want For Christmas. (PS - totally the Mariah song I would do - easily her best song.) What's going to happen here? We cant wait to hear! Always Be My Baby. Okay then. Chip wonders if he is joking. You know, I think maybe a little bit. I do so love him! Because be real- if you were at his concert and he busted out something like this, you would love it. Like when Nickel Creek sings Oops I Did It Again, or when the Foo Fighters do a funny pop cover. It's not unprecedented! Mariah wonders how DC will do her song, because let's be honest, the guys should be at a disadvantage this week. But DC is pretty good I guess. I loved that. I just really love him. He IS ready to make an album! Jared Leto would be proud of that arrangement. DC earns cool points for wearing a wriststrong bracelet! For DC to be this memorable on Mariah week, well, he may have my vote now that MJ is gone. (In all the excitement, I missed that the Tigers came back and won! That's right - we're back!) But yeah, he was good and all. Hey crowd - let Simon speak before you faux-boo him. Randy, I'm with you. I'm on my feet. Paula is about to cry. Or just stoned- I'm not sure. Simon is right- "coming out of karaoke hell into a breath of fresh air." Well said! Love him! Wait, he is crying? Pussy. Is he crying? OMG- that is the cutest thing I've ever seen ever. I would have sex with him right now, no question. It's 9:35, and his number is still busy. He's getting the pussy vote tonight! Wow - my sister and I both used the word "pussy" here.

Castrol syntec - He's still sticking with the dreds, huh? Chip wants to know how his teeth are so white when his hair is so dusty. I am already bored. The Ducks are winning in Dallas, dammit - can't they just lose? I love this song. I can't lie. The singles from that first record were just outstanding. That was kind of boring. When Cook does his thing, it's interesting, but when Castro does his thing, I find it a little boring. It's just my preference, though, like how I don't like KLC's country thing just because I don't like country. He sings that he doesn't "want to cry" - the opposite of DC. I think he did a good job, and is really creating his own identity. Simon doesn't get Randy's weird reference for once. But he liked it - I mean, I guess it was good. He is right though - none of the guys should go home. They should bring back MJ to win 4th.

None of the guys should go home. Any of the girls can go home for all I care.

Stephanie's Official Overall Rankings:

1. Cook

2. Archuleta

3. Castro

4. Carly

5. Syesha

6. Brooke

7. Kristy

Stephanie out!

Shower gifts

Shortly after we registered for the wedding, we were talking to another couple about the whole process. They said that they still have a box of assorted kitchen gadgets and whatnot that they got for the wedding and/or wedding showers that they have never even used. Well, Carrie and I knew that we weren't going to let that happen to us - we are white and we love our kitchen gadgets. When we brought back our car full of gifts, we weren't going to just be placing these on a shelf in the closet, we were going to enjoy them all. It has now been 2 months since the gift orgy (and less than 6 weeks to go until the wedding? Crap!) so I figured that I would tell you all how we are using the gifts.

Let's get the bad news out of the way first - we got 2 things we registered for whose sole purpose was to allow us a unique and "cool" way to display food to guests. You know, like buffet server things, yadda yadda. We haven't used those yet, only because we haven't really entertained the way we would like, because we just don't have money to buy and prepare food for our friends.

Also, 2 of the gifts were broken, and we took them back. I am not going to tell which one because no one needs to be upset, but rest assured that we replaced one and plan on getting the other once it is in stock. The last gift we haven't used yet is the BB&B gift card, but that is because we are saving it to see what we don't get at the wedding, and we will take back duplicate gifts and put it on the card, and so on, but let's be honest - we will be getting some Riedels with that gift card, and not just because that is what the Chockleys would want!

First off, the Stock the Bar Party - so, um, we haven't had any of it yet. Which is a HUGE compliment from us, because we deemed all of the wine to be rack-worthy. Oh, we will drink it, and maybe sooner than later, but they are being temperature and humidity controlled as we speak. We did get some liquor too, but it has only been 2 months people, we aren't machines!

Now, the gifts that I didn't get to open at the girls' shower - we got some candles that have been strategically placed around the apartment. We got some towels too - something about Egyptians and thread counts, I don't know. Some of the towels were in a fancy basket, which is nice because our apartment has the linen closet (that is what it is called, right? Chip said it was the only organized thing in my apartment while he was here. Not the "most" organized, the "only" organized. And, uh, he was right - I used to arrange everything I owned alphabetically by topic, what have I become?) located in the guest bathroom, not in our bathroom. So, if I need a towel after a shower, it is one of the longest possible walks inside our apartment. So the towels and the basket are working out in our bathroom, that is what I am trying to say.

There was also a foot massager for the shower, which is a bit of a problem because we have one of those showers that is all sliding doors and no tub, and the drain is in the middle, so it prevents really any effective draining when in use. We still have yet to try it in the guest bathroom. I guess I could have put it in there for Cullen and Chip, but I didn't want their foot stank on it.

Another couple of gifts were some blankets for us to cuddle with (or throw them? Why is the term "throw" used to describe these blankets?). This means we actually have 5 blankets now on our futon to use to get warm. This isn't a bad thing - I keep the apartment around 61 degrees in the winter in order to save on the heating bill. But yes, we are using all 5 - well, maybe only 3 now, because the apartment has warmed up to 64. And you think I am exaggerating.

Onto the kitchen - we made chocolate ice cream in our new ice cream maker, and it was fantastic. Seriously though, these were the ingredients - 2 cups of heavy whipping cream, 1 cup of whole milk, 1/2 cup of sugar, 8 oz. of chocolate, and 1 teaspoon of vanilla extract. Holy crap - I don't want to know the Weight Watchers points involved - especially since it was gone within 24 hours. Quick funny sidenote - we were recently in the grocery store, so I decided to look at the nutritional info for heavy whipping cream, and it was only 50 calories per serving! Not bad at all - that is exactly 1 point in WW, btw. Then, I looked closer - 32 servings per container. 1600 calories for the whole thing! Sweet mother of pearl! I need to make a lower-fat ice cream next time. Send me your recipes.

Moving along - last week, I made some pad thai, which means we unleashed the wok. Take a wok on the wildside. One small step for man, one giant wok for mankind. Jokes I have been waiting over 25 years to make. I had to treat it first - you know, using grease and whatnot. I have completely failed my rusty cast iron skillet, so this is my second chance to do it right. But it wo(r)ked out great - I am ready to made fried rice now. We also got a lot of other pots and pans, and they go directly from the oven top into the oven, because the handles aren't plastic. We haven't used them for that purpose yet, but still, no worries. We are ready for the right recipe, and it will all come together.

Let's see, what am I forgetting - oh yeah, the wine glasses. We love them and use them weekly and want the whole Riedel set now. Carrie even has her own ritual for cleaning and polishing them, which involves boiling water or something. I don't know - I am letting her have that one. But yes, we love our Riedels for sure.

I also made ribs using an Emeril recipe that called for a cup of coffee in the sauce, so we used the coffee press for that! Speaking of ribs, we made short ribs using the XL roasting pan - I had done the same recipe before but cheated. We did it right finally with the right equipment! We are looking forward to Thanksgiving to use it again. But yeah, we will use it before then too, but still.

If I forgot yours, don't worry, it is just late. I just wanted to reassure you that we aren't going to have a garage sale in 2012 where we sell some of our wedding gifts in their original packaging. Now, if we could just figure out where to put all of it...

Idol Gives Back

Michael Johns - is Dream On inspirational? Also, isn't he a better singer than this? I think he messed up or something. Yeah, Randy is right, it was pitchy. Fucking Kansas. I hate Mario Chalmers - that bitch can DIAF for all I care. Wait, what? What was that about the chihuahua that they just said - I don't get it?

Syesha - Pretty good I guess, but boring or something. I hate "inspirational week". Inspirational would have been if we could have won it all last night and not had that ass make that 3 pointer to tie the game with 2 seconds left. Ugh. Carrie thinks Randy is a hard ass this season, but I mean, it was okay. The judges are weird - like, she needs to not sing Whitney or Fantasia? But she sings that style! I don't get it.

Castro - Sings this version of the song that we actually love. I mean, I prefer Ted's group of course, but still. He is really good, but I didn't like the ending. But yeah, good job dude. Even odds that Archuletta does the Groban shit. Dude - what are the odds we get Dorsey, CDR, or Rose back next season? I got no closure and I am pissed.

Colonel - yeah, I would still hit it. I'll bet she ends up in the bottom 3, then doesn't go home. But still - probably her best performance. She is totally hitting her free throws near the end, unlike a certain runner up squad. But she is teh hawt.

David Cook - what the shit is going on here? Whatever he is doing at the start, he shouldn't do again. Wait - this is terrible! Who is this? This is the biggest piece of crap since Bill Self. Oh no - he is losing his lead in front of our eyes! Holy crap - that was the biggest turd I have seen since I had burritos last Sunday. Oh my. Take him back to the hospital to have teh suck removed.

Irish O'Carlihan - Danny Boy? Nope, it is Queen. I mean, she is probably better than I give her credit for, but whatever. I mean, were the refs gonna call any fouls against Kansas? Carrie says, "She is wearing a leotard with bell-bottomed mom jeans!" Then, she is livid when Simon says she looks good.

David A. - Groban?? Stop making me wait - he is singing "Angles"? What the shit is "Angels"? Are those things that were not on Memphis' side last night? Really, do we have any youtube links to Chalmers' fiery death? Anyone? Yeah, I am tired of Archuletta kinda right now.

Brooke - Sings Carole King Tapestry stuff. She is good and all, but I get this feeling she cries during some MasterCard commercials. But hey - I cried last night, so what do I know. But yeah, Carrie was openly reading a book during the performance. I hope she doesn't talk over the judges - oh crap, she is talking.

Bottom 3 - KLC, Brooke, Syesha. Syesha going home.

AI Wars

A quick word before we start - a quick apology to Gina for the God Bless America KLC debacle last week. I was merely attacking the way the song has been co-opted by the right in the country as a means of conflating the feelings of supremacy they get from both their religion and their love of country. Not an attack on the song itself, which is for some reason real catchy and annoying - I mean, it is good song writing I guess and all. So no hard feelings, even though you stole the man I love from me. Oh, and I will tease you about this from now on. :)
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OK Steph, it is Dolly week, meaning the over/under on how many times Carrie says "Dolly is so cute" stands at 16. Good LORD I love Dolly Parton!!!!!!!!!!!! Wow - a lighter shade of blue this week Steph! Is something wrong with your voice, or did you sprain your ankle? You must just not want to get confused with the links below! Hey - for fun this week, I have decided to say which Star Wars character that each idol reminds me of.

Brooke - First off, wow - I didn't know that Dolly Parton had died. It is good that they got her ghost to do the show tonight! I like the way Brooke wears some country getup to meet with Dolly. While she is singing, all I can imagine is Dolly singing the song, which is to say, I guess she didn't "make it her own". That was fine. I mean, I really love that song, and she didn't offend me. She's just a little awkward. And I'm over her with the way she talks to the judges. Good God, Brooke, please stfu while the judges are talking. Stop talking! Seriously! (OK, so the Star Wars character for Brooke is the most difficult - I would maybe say JarJar Binks, since she is annoying and kids probably like her. No - it is Luke Skywalker for sure. She is blond hair/blue eyes, perfect Aryan specimen, and she would probably accidentally kiss her own sibling.)

David Cook - He sings hymn 253, His Eyes Are on the Sparrow. Nice hair! I think this is awesome, and I'll tell you why. America isn't familiar with this song, so we have nothing to compare it to. As a result, we can just judge him on his own merits. And it was great! This is own arrangement finally, instead of someone else's that we aren't familiar with that he can subtlety pass off as his own in a half-truth kind of way - oh wait, that was Daughtry. David C does do this arrangement himself, and actually does a really good job. (PS- I'm so tired of the arrangement apologies! He has mentioned it every week. It's not a secret. Quit being mad at him- he's not hiding anything!) Sorry! I wasn't mad! Paula of course mentions his hair - it is a comb-up-and-over. Right before Paula starts talking, Chip correctly predicts that she will mention the hair. Hee! (Star Wars character - Lobot. Hehe.)

Ramiele - No. Oh, well I can talk about her. Um...well, she...I guess she reminds me of a Star Wars character - so many ways to go. Short and stocky like R2D2? Maybe Nein Numb, who helped Lando destroy the second Death Star? No, I am going to go with Lott Dodd, who is the horrifying Asian stereotype from the prequels, just because of the fact that she is a horrible stereotype herself.

Jason Castro - The ghost of Dolly Parton is hilarious meeting with him. Dolly- don't touch the hair! Her nails shriveled up and fell off. Acrylic is no match for that kind of funk. I mean, he is okay and all during the song, but Carrie is fantastic in her "logic" to defend everything about him. Really, he can do no wrong for her. I wonder if she sticks up for me in front of others the way that she just stuck up for him. Dude- this is good! Dolly just writes great songs. They make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Simon just said that he is going to lose his pass to Dollywood - he thought of that line during the week and has just been waiting to use it. Chip "Good. . .kind of earnest." Should I give Carrie and Chip their own text colors yet? (Star Wars character - Kit Fisto, the jedi with the dreads and the strangely pornographic name. Although he does look like this too.)

Carrrrly - Dolly Parton is fun again and all. Carly sings some line about looking into her eyes, and I am like, dude they mesmerize to the point that they cause convulsions. (Props to Robert Darnton - history joke. Yeah, that made me happier than it will to anyone else who reads this blog.) What a great song. And a good choice for her. I think this is really good. That was her best ever. Chip agrees- "amazing control." Simon criticizes her and that she needs to improve her looks, and I am like, apparently it takes 10 weeks of laser treatments to get rid of that shit on her arms dude. We really disagree with Simon on this one. The thing is, he just hates country music and he is always overly critical on country night. Don't lie Simon! You hate this- you bitch on country night each year! Whatever. (Star Wars character - Sy Snootles, lead singer of the Max Rebo band in Jedi.)

David A - Go, David A backlash, go! (PS- I hate Archuleta, but man I love Dolly! She's so sincere, and she just loves music so much. She can't help but sing with everyone, and cry, and I just love her!) Yes, Dolly surprisingly likes him, separating him from the others that she has hated tonight. What's the over/under on how many weeks until he sings that "You raise me up, so I can something something mountains. . ." by that one douchebag? Um, he is more the douchenozzle than he is the douchebag (this is obviously a subject I have written on before)! I didn't like that better than Carly, but I think he would have beaten Jessica Tripod's jazz dance routine at our HS talent show. I can honestly say I don't get that one, Steph. Wow - that was a weird note there in the middle. David A totally needs some Carmex during the song - with the lip licking already! I think even LL Cool J is embarrassed by it! Everyone loved the Archuletta, yadda yadda. The judges love him and his aura. I do not. (Star Wars character - that Ewok that tries to rape C3PO.)

The Colonel - The ghost of Dolly Parton says that her mom will be so proud (Of course I already knew this was a true story. Love you Dolly!), but KLC says "in this song, I would like 'mom' to represent America in the post 9-11 world. Please vote for me." This is in Kristy's "wheelhouse" so of course she will sound fine. Not blowing me away or anything, but this would sell records. She is cute and all again, and yes, I would still hit it like the fist of an angry God. Since this bores me, let's talk about Pickler from a few weeks ago. She sounded good! She just is very particularly suited to that twangy, stupid style of country. I mean, I hated it, but I was proud of her. (You didn't just fast forward through Pickler?) Back to the show - Randy says that it is in her "wheelhouse", and I double that entendre, and Carrie rolls her eyes. Randy said wheelhouse! OMG!!!! I rule! Chip says, What does wheelhouse mean? I say, That's just what Randy says on country night when the country singer sings! I rule! Simon is like, I really didn't think that my praise last week would keep you out of the bottom 3, so I am gonna criticize you somewhat. (Star Wars character - that one dancer that starts struggling against Jabba, so he activates the trapdoor and the Rancor monster totally eats that chick off-screen in an effort to make the monster seem scarier when it makes its first appearance when Luke is down there.)

Syesha - Singing a Dolly song, but let's be honest - it is a Whitney song. She does a really good job, and I liked it, and I hope it keeps her out of the bottom 3 this time. Well of course she picked this. Not sure about that hair. I am actually- that looks horrible. That was so horribly boring! When Dolly does it, it's full of emotion. When Whitney does it, it's full of technical superiority. That was just a bunch of loud notes. She was fine, but come on- there's no way to overcome the comparisons there. And Simon agrees. Finally. Sheesh - sorry I said anything! (Star Wars character - let's say this guy, based on the shape of her hair alone.)

Michael Johns - is a big fan of Dolly, because she reminds him of the older women he nailed while being a tennis instructor. My love for this guy is wrong but oh so right. He does sing the heck out of the song, I think. OMG his first concert. That is the cutest thing ever. He has done his best this season to combat cold neck syndrome, and I admire that. Of course I think this is great. I am at the point where I can not rationally critique Cook or MJ. Sorry- that's just how it is. They are running late, so we don't get enough praise for this guy. (Han Solo. Definitely Han Solo.)

I guess Asia'n goes home, with let's say, KLC and Syesha in the bottom 3. In summary: Dolly Parton is awesome, Asia'n is not. Holla!